The SECRET GUN in Fortnite: Battle Royale! (Zapatron SNIPER) – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

Which is really interesting imagine paying those supply drops But the important thing with this blog post is the additional weapons so first off it added in the scoped assault rifle We obviously know that weapon it is in the game still next up. They added this zapper Tron sniper. That is right It was a real weapon in fortnight, Battle Royale And it was technically the rarest weapon you could ever find within the game the description reads as follows the zapper Tron can be used to fire electric blasts in short bursts or Charged up to release enormous amount of damage by sparingly however a Cell ammo is extremely limited This weapon is already available in surprise So this weapon is added into the game two months ago personally. I’ve never ever come across it if you’ve ever found it Let me know down below in the comment section however we have got someone that has found it He goes for the name ionics TV And it’s a twitch stream of a fortnight or link his channel down below in the description as well But let’s check out a clip of him finding it within a Supply Drop Using it and actually getting a kill with the staff at Ron sniper.

Oh Although the words upwards wanted on there for most earners on the air Oh That thing is nuts an electrically charged sniper But it has two firing modes as the description says you can see they’re being fully charged up and completely Wiping out an enemy it is insane. However. I’ve been playing the game for a while now I’ve put many many hours into the games. I’m sure you guys have as well, but I have never come across it There’s two answers one is that this weapon was in the game for such a limited amount of time But they decided it was too overpowered and withdrew it or they kept it in the game and made it so Freakin rare that only a handful of people have ever found it in-game, so I’ve just done some research and I’ve gone on through the fortnight reddit and Apparently it was removed from the game after one day Because the developers didn’t feel like it fitted into the game well enough some forty guys that means we’re never gonna find it again However, if you’ve been watching my videos this week You know that I did a video covering a load of big changes and updates will be coming to the game soon And how we know that more weapons items and equipment are in the pipeline To be added to fortnight battery Isle in the near future what I want to know from you guys Is would you like to see the zapper Tron sniper? Return to fortnight battle app if you would give a video a big fat thumbs up Let me know your opinions of it down below in the comment section Do you think they were right to remove it does it not quite fit the game? Or does it look so freakin awesome that we have to have it back in personally I would love to see it again.

It looks absolutely crazy I’m just gutted I never got a chance to use it when it was available in the game so as awesome as that aperture on sniper is we need to get into some live gameplay my friends as always we Are going for that number one? victory our spot makes you turning on a notification bell right next to subscribe to be notified of all my videos the second they go live and without further ado is jumping some action and play some awesome fortnight’s battle royale I Think we are gonna get all three crates chests from the tower here My gosh. We are fully shielded. We go north away our. We’ve caught in our peih-gee Guys and girls the game couldn’t start much better than this. I hope you’re having an amazing day Let’s see what our third chest is gonna. Give us is it gonna be so kind as to give me a snipe Okay, I guess I’ll scream for a little bit too much there. It’s so good. Let’s get shooted I’m ready to take some people on I think the roof has actually been open up there in the main cabin Here in the lowly Lodge what my favorite place is start off. It’s always such a happy place to come and chill out Whenever I’ve to find those guys that were like afk. Oh three of them in our video yesterday I’m like Searching like just checking you know the points of the map where the bus drops people just to see if anyone’s sitting around and Hasn’t deployed for please saying afk, so I’m get an easy easy No, Kim is cheeky, I know but I’m always gonna do it now.

Just in case so let’s get shotgun here as well Thank thank you. Thank you Alright, we’re starting off pretty strong I’m not to actually apart from someone in the main building potentially fourth chest in as many seconds. Let’s go I’m gonna leave the SMG sorry, buddy I give the SMGs no love even though they’re actually pretty good to be honest with you After you got patched through a little bit more damage, but I’m like When it comes to infantry space I’m always gonna go for a shotgun. I’m sorry sorry SMG I will show you some love one day all right And I’ll go I’ll try and get a few more kills if you can I know we do know that see if anyone else is Hanging out in here. It’s definitely been looted Yeah, ma’am someone’s come in and they’ve grabbed it would be stress for themselves greedy greedy people No, but I can talk I’ve already taken four chests from this map already and a jump pad Why not why not jump I’m gonna See you just in case if any of your back buildings have been left alone for being left alone I’m gonna grab them as well take them for myself and maybe get ourselves a fifth Test potentially.

They’ll be pretty damn awesome oh No, no, I thought I heard was there’s a freakin water pool. Ally come on man adjust your ears a little bit, but Today, I think we’re gonna be chatting a little bit about potential new weapons And there’s a patron and it’s really weird because I actually Watched and this this weapons in the game for about a day And it’s about one day just as I started to play Fortnight battery up so I have to go back and check and see if I even had a chance of finding it During that one day I’m not sure if I was playing back then or not Maybe you guys were maybe you guys have experienced it if you have experiences that aperture on snipe enough any clips of it any gameplay any pictures anything send it to me because See this guy’s up to over here trying to loot that building potentially Because the only clip online I can find is to what I’m gonna show you guys and I mean it’s great He picks up the weapon and get secured straight away, but apart from that Literally nothing it’s so weird.

It’s almost as if a weapon never existed Was this guy gone? the help to turn into a tree Is that a new consumable? He must have run away. He must have dipped out without me realizing I was sure he wouldn’t be able to run away about me being out to notice so are there he is he’s freaking miles away this chest, Marana I Apologize the chest is gonna have to go unlooted for the mug. It’s fine. We’re pretty well shielded We’re looking pretty good to mess with you guys. Oh baby forget bow for them She’s really walking in S&G Dad I want to bow for men I wanted both of them I grabbed this sniper Why not better shotgun as well beautiful beautiful, beautiful And I’m gonna actually pick bandages over the maids, sorry grenades just not being you guys today just ain’t happening Okay, little bit of virtue start, but hey, it’s always nice to land and alone you Lodge And they’ll get too much action off of that, so this is looking pretty good so far.

I like it I like get I like it things are going well and just depends if anyone else has chewed out in here It’s runners with you because it’s so hard to loot and get to so much of loot in this place Either it goes unlooted or people just sort of rush through it grab the obvious things and then leave It worked well for me from smoke grenade video when we started off and landed straight here No grenades straight on the ground, but a part of knife. You don’t know its place You’re buildable zoo or your ladders or anything or your stairs? Sorry, it’s quite hard to get to a lot of parts around there and when I was coming in from the edge you guys good Yeah, no one. Okay. All right. I trust you not to shoot me in the back. It’s a level of trust I’m giving to you right now and hopefully you can repay me by by being nice and not depleting my shoe quite yet go, but he’s parachutes back I Thought she was taking a shot at me God damn it. I hate it when Whoa head shop Let’s go man I hate it when I line up for sure I know always I have heard spend a little bit longer on This game lining up sniper shots Because a Miss is so bad And I lied it up and it like Literally goes in between the pixels of their legs till their hands or their arms in this case just past their head It’s still good.

It’s all good. She’s down. She died she was shooting someone, No Just keep that in mind as well I can’t get over how how much I want my characters Camera pans to be honest with you Can’t lied I am susceptible to some camo camo clothing cannot lie Let’s see a on shooting and dusty depo I’m coming in hot so you better be ready I’m not afraid to like oh My Cheesy literally made me jump out my skin whoa oh My god, don’t do that geez all Right we’re on the edge. Oh my god. I Literally told people to come out to not take my shield and what happens the next person runs into me shoot I shouldn’t have survived debts you really honest with you but I’m Thanking the fortnight gods. I did I’m not complaining. We’ve got a scarfin We got an bandage, but we are back up to a hundred help, but she will he’s looking kinda dodge right now I definitely don’t want to run into anyone at the dusty depo now leave me alone. Give me a break and I’ll leave you alone as well.

That’s a good deal. Is that I could throw you leave me alone. I’ll leave you alone Okay, let’s make awaits the next ring which I think it’s gonna be closer to loot Lake So it could be interesting and just hopefully watch our back in no one will take us out so talking about new weapons and new items just for a second We know they’re gonna be coming not necessarily straight away, but at some point in the near future There’s a patron sniper I can kind of understand when they took it out, so those guys that don’t know I’m sure you do you see every time you boot up the game but there is a PvE in a PvP mode too fortnight vault night started off as Save the world. I believe it’s cool. She’s the PvE segment of the game event they added in PvP. Which is battle royale which is like her just a free addition so smart cannot lie and I’ve actually never put any time into the PvE version of the game But I feel like I’d quite enjoy it it looks to me like a view a bit like zombies It looks really fun if you guys have played it.

Let me know down below should I give it a go? But the weapons in that mode and save the world are very diff very crazy very What’s the word to describe them just a little bit more stylized a little bit more like? Weird with the design elements whereas in this game. They’re very much like standard weaponry They don’t have any crazy camos on them They just got clear color coding and there’s a patron was just a bit weird like an electric magnet magnetic cell shooting sniper That’s a little bit different. I think you guys can agree with me on that one, so The potential it coming back is there may be adjusted a little bit I’ve never seen it shooting in its burst mode. They talked about Oh Someone They either above me or below me And they’ve said they’re going to improve the audio in this game when people are above and below so That’d be amazing that no freaking clue is right now. We’re in the ring Where are you? Let’s do a build See hope made me he’s clueless I too feel a little bit bad.

He had absolutely no idea Feel that’s gonna draw some attention some guys building over that and if he’s building because he’s heard me or see me know And I’m coming in Okay Okay, I think well I think we’re good look at his bandages amazing Oh See that chest over there and some ammo Oh Someone’s just built over there That’s a weird place to build All right, no one’s looking at me. I’m going for it. Let the build commence. Let’s get over to As long as no one sees this we should be okay Let’s do it baby. What a journey want a journey to the island, and I’m not quite a meal But an island in Luke leg oh, it’s actually gonna begin the next ring as well amazing. Oh a shield. Oh my That view was that old I think well maybe okay, oh no oh no Oh, do you have a shotgun that? Is a clueless player that is a poor poor clueless fortnight player Manus Island was sick as well ammo shield More ammo. I want to make sure this guy’s in looking over Especially those shots going down Can’t see any movement.

Oh, so good the next rings at us you almost never get rings in loot lake, and what do you do? What’s up, buddy See you later see you later Sookie Luke it’s in here shield Oh What luck I did not think when he gets this far in the game, I just assume I’m not gonna get any more shields unless it’s from another player Six kills, and then we are just cleaning people out over here I’m gonna head over here and just see what loot this person has if anything just some ammo RPGs really the best actually to run a boat we’re good. We give a good what have you got what you got was he’s got Blue er and a bruised sniper she had some semi-decent things She may have been the player actually building over here remembered a little bit earlier. That’s in this direction.

I think she was think she She left it rightly so but he got a gun and killed. Sorry buddy. Sorry about that Now my beer wood across the middle ache. It’s probably gonna draw a bit of attention to me Can’t lie But hopefully I’m just gonna stick to edges ring like this all Supply Drop And the enemy Pam the accuracy needs to salt rifle was a terrible at the moment oh Geez I think he just stopped and used a potion. That’s annoying Because he he would have had a spare potion then All we still got a spare potion Was I dropped for the shield when I dropped for the shield, would you record director? What you reckon? Oh No no no I know so many times That’s not someone’s fighting someone’s down He’s got you, dude Wow don’t know how that treat him break Okay, it’s still quiet you some our people left actually oh Let’s go, that’s faster take it maybe two shoots and a medkit Whoa? Track mr.

. Person’s doing I’m not gonna wait to find out it’s gonna build I’ve got a legendary sniper another med kit And another scar he was using Come on Allie I may have to go out of building like Allie a big noob stop it There we go cheese. Oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh, let’s give myself an exit Where’d that come from Who’s firing at me show yourself? Down seven players are just real someone’s died And the next ring is not in a good place Oh, no, oh You have to make some movement See Someone’s built on top one of the mountains Mmm. I don’t trust the trees Never trusted shoot trees at the end game II never trust him waste someone lurking behind someone’s down Just hoping that person flappy one doesn’t take a shot at me Drakken either even they’re moving or I don’t know what? Jeez Whoa? Oh my god. I froze up for a second there. What the hell was he doing him Sometimes this game then goodness he had no shield ah You almost took away all of mine, though Damn, okay.

Well I was kind of hoping I’d have that for endgame but Good news is we get our shotgun back which I’m a severely severely be thankful for Anyone else anyone else I Don’t know if that’s guy I feel like that guy’s point moved on to mess with you Feel like it’s probably we’re actually quite close to the Rings being in this building In here shots you can see shots we tried NAB one of these kills, would you reckon? damn Come on keep running out, let’s get it Oh Snipe down, you. Just know someone’s in that tool building though surely Hmm there’s only three people left okay now we’re talking Now you’re really talking All right, let’s build this metal base. Let’s build it sweet. Let’s build it fast BAM. It’s up Let’s go a level higher why not? all right mm-hmm if anyone wants to challenge me I Don’t mind Oh What okay, okay Okay, where’s that coming from? Where’s that coming from get this rule back? Oh Frick? Oh what? We know know where the final people are Come on let me build Okay, okay, we know where they are All right that was great that was great he’s scared he’s not coming out that way whoa I’m going for it this should work He’s building What? Bro, what are you doing? I thought he was giving building up to me on launchpad.

Let’s go Come on come on come on there we go oh My god. He was actually shooting at me as well. I thought maybe you shoot some L base Whoo all right let’s do a RPG 1v1 Has no idea where he is I’m seeing five hot shots with the RPG Let’s set up this launchpad baby a set of this launch pad hope he hasn’t seen you come over here No Let me there. We go there. We go. Let’s do this Well, okay know which pass that won’t be 110 kills to our name didn’t even realize well. He’s gonna come towards me I Don’t know how much health he’s on no I Don’t know if I feel confident after fly-in I’m a hundred or hundred you know what it’s like you never Never trust someone endgame think it’s gonna hit him No no All my going to show him a launchpad. I’ll I ain’t happy Well you have pissed me off.

I was about to launch pad you oh? Hey Get out of here destroy my launch pad no. No don’t do that. Oh my gosh I knew it I was waiting for a launch pad win. There’s no get though GG. We both had lazy RPGs again They’re actually well 11q victory warrior Al that was really really good But remember guys were asleep all my fault night videos with a place down below click that you can see all of them make sure You subscribe and hit a notification bus to be the person votes in my videos I hope you’ve enjoyed have an amazing rest of weekend, and I’ll see you guys soon. Bye. Bye.

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rd #187 How to boot from USB – HP Compaq dc7800 USDT – method 1 – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

Aloha, my name is Andy, in this video I will show how to boot from USB device, if you have a HP Compaq dc7800 Ultra-slim Desktop PC I have my bootable USB drive with Windows Thin PC. I will insert in the front panel USB. Then I press the power button from the PC. And the PC is starting. Quickly I press repeatedly the F10 key from the keyboard, until appears this menu. I select the English language and I enter in the BIOS settings. I navigate to the right with the right arrow from the keyboard. I go down with the down arrow from the keyboard to the Boot Order and hit the Enter key.

Now the first boot device is the CD-ROM Drive, if I put a bootable CD or DVD, the PC first will boot from that DISC. I press the Enter key and it appears the 2 side arrow, now with the down arrows from the keyboard I can move down the CD-ROM device. Now I press the Enter key again and with the up arrow from the keyboard I go up to the USB device. I press again the Enter key and with the up arrow from the keyboard I push up until this will be the first boot device. I press the Enter key again. Next I press the F10 key to Accept the changes. I press again the F10 key. I press again the F10 key to save the changes and exit from the BIOS. The PC is restarting. For a second appears this screen with: Attempting Boot From USB Device and I press the space key. The PC is booting from the USB device. After a couple seconds appears this screen and the windows is loading from the USB.

So this is how you boot from USB device if you have a HP Compaq dc7800 Ultra-slim Desktop PC. If you liked this video or it was useful, please subscribe, like, share and comment. See you next time, goodbye..

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How to turn the beeper speaker on and off on a camry – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

This video is going to show you how to turn the 2001 Toyota Camry LE beep on and off. So first what you do, is with the drivers door open, insert the key in the ignition and remove it. Within 5 seconds, insert the ignition key again, and turn it to the ON position. After 10 seconds push the same LOCK or UNLOCK or PANIC button twice within 10 seconds. (has it been 10 seconds?) Oh shoot…Uh, s-, Uh sorry I have to do this again. Shoot. *BEEP BEEP* So, so if you hear that beeping- two beeps, it means you have done it the same way as it is expected. Ignition off..

.and then test what you did. Nice, you see that? No beep. So this is a video how you turn the beeps on and off. Thank you for watching :).

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Pulover’s Macro Creator Tutorial: Image and Pixel search – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

With Pulover’s Macro Creator you can take screenshots of part of the screen and create a command to search for that image. You can also search for a determined pixel color. To mark a region press and hold the right button on the mouse and drag it to create a rectangle. Release to get the position. Click on the button with the camera to take a screenshot. Use the same method to mark the area. To create more precise screenshots go to the Options window and select “Press Enter to capture”. You can also change the line width. Now after releasing the mouse button you can move and resize the rectangle using the keyboard pressing Ctrl+Arrow keys and Shift+Arrow keys. You can also mark the region of a control by clicking and releasing over a control area without moving the mouse, and mark the area of the window by doing the same in an area without a control. You can also load an image file from your computer.

The “If found” and “If not found” options determine the action taken by the program on each situation. The Repeat until option creates a loop that will repeat the search until the image or pixel is found or not found. You can set the delay between searches. If you want to execute different or more commands after a result you need to add an If Statement. Mark this option to create one automatically. When the image or pixel is found the coordinates are saved to the variables FoundX and FoundY. You can use those variables inside other commands such as Mouse actions by enclosing them in percent signs Notice that the coordinates returned for an image search will point to the upper-right corner, not the center.

To fix that you can increment the values before using them. For that use the Variables window with the Add or Subtract operators or check the Expression option and use the Assign operator. The commands added between the If Statement and the EndIf line will only be executed if the result of the search matches the criteria, which can be “If image/pixel found” or “If image/pixel not found”. An Else Statement can also be used inside the block. Pixel search is basically the same. You can pick a color from your desktop or from the Color Pick dialogue..

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Math Antics – Triangles – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

Hi! Welcome to Math Antics. In this Geometry lesson, we’re gonna learn all about triangles. You may remember from the lesson about polygons that triangles are special polygons that always have 3 sides and 3 angles. And that’s what the word ‘triangle’ means. “tri” means 3 and “angles” means… angles. Okay, that’s easy enough… 3 sides… 3 angles… but what else is there to know about triangles? Well for starters, we’re gonna learn how to classify triangles.

Oooo… such a classy triangle! [laughter] But seriously, there’s two different way to classify (or organize) triangles. They can be classified by their sides and they can be classified by their angles. Let’s start by classifying triangles by their angles since we’ve already learned a lot about angles in the previous videos. You may remember from our first video about angles that there’s 3 types of angles: there’s right angles, acute angles, and obtuse angles. Well… watch what happens if we use a third line in each of these angles to form closed shapes. Ah ha!… triangles! And can you guess what these three different kinds of triangles are called? Yep – The one made from the right angle is called a Right Triangle. The one made from the acute angle is called an Acute Triangle, and the one made from the obtuse angle is called an Obtuse Triangle. So that’s simple enough. But notice that for each of our three triangles, the new angles that were formed when we closed the shapes are all acute angles. So triangles always have at least 2 acute angles.

.. and it’s the other angle that determines what type it is. That’s important to know so you don’t get tricked. For any given triangle, just because you see one acute angle, that doesn’t mean it’s an acute triangle. You have to look at ALL the angles to tell if it’s an acute triangle. The situation is easier with right and obtuse triangles because you can only have ONE right or obtuse angle per triangle. So as soon as you spot one of those kinds of angles, you know what type of triangle you have. Alright then… classifying triangles by angles is pretty simple. But we can also classify triangles by their sides. If we pay close attention to the length of each side of a triangle, we can see that there are three possibilities.

First of all, if all three sides of a triangle are exactly the same length, then we call it an Equilateral Triangle. It’s kind of a long word, but it’s easy to remember because it sounds like it has the word “equal” in it. To see the second possibility, let’s take the top vertex of our equilateral triangle and move it up like this. See what happened? Two of the triangle’s sides got stretched by the same amount, but the bottom side remained the same. Now we have a triangle that has only 2 equal sides, and that’s called an Isosceles Triangle. That’s a long word too. The best way to remember that is to look at an isosceles triangle and say it’s name 20 times as fast as you can! Is osceles, Isosceles, Isosceles, Isosceles, Isosceles, Isosceles, Isosceles, Isosceles,.

.. And finally, to see the third possibility, let’s move that same top vertex again… but this time to the left. Now, all the sides are different lengths. This type of triangle is called a Scalene Triangle. So those are the three possibilities when classifying triangles by their sides. Equilateral Triangles have 3 equal sides. Isosceles triangles have only 2 equal sides. And scalene triangles have NO equal sides. That way was pretty easy too. The hardest part is just remembering the names. And now that you know both ways to classify triangles, let’s see how you can use them together. Yep, you can use them both at the same time. If you classify triangles both by their angles and by their sides, it turns out that there’s several possible combinations. To see what I mean, let’s list the three classifications by sides: (scalene, isosceles, and equilateral) …and the three classifications by angle: (right, acute and obtuse) A scalene triangle can also be a right triangle, like this one.

And a scalene triangle can also be either an obtuse or an acute triangle. In the same way, an isosceles triangle can also be acute, like this one, or obtuse, like this one. And in one special case, an isosceles triangle can also be a right triangle, like so. But things are different when it comes to an equilateral triangle. An equilateral triangle is always an acute triangle. Because all three sides are exactly the same, all three angles must also be exactly the same. And since we can’t have more than one right angle in a triangle, or more than one obtuse angle, ALL the angles in an equilateral triangle must be acute. Okay, now that you know all about how triangles are classified, let’s learn one more really important thing about triangles. In our video about angles and degrees, we learned that we can measure angles and say how big or how small they are using special units called degrees. Well, since triangles are always made up of 3 angles, each of those angles has its own measurement in degrees.

And the important thing is that those three angle measurements, if you combine them, they will always add up to 180 degrees. For example, have a look at this triangle. If we were to take a saw and cut it up into three separate angles, …and then if we were to take those three angles and rearrange them so that they’re right next to each other like this, you can see that the total would be the same as a straight angle… that’s 180 degrees! And this will work no matter what type of triangle it is. Knowing that a triangle’s angles will always add up to 180 degrees can really help you out when solving geometry problems. There’s a whole lot of situations where you’ll know what two of the angles are, but you need to figure out what the third angle is. Like in this problem. With this triangle, we’re told that one of the angles is 35 degrees, and the other is 45 degrees. But the third angle is unknown. We need to figure out what it is. Since we know that the total must be 180 degrees, we can just add up the angles that we DO know, and then subtract that from 180 degrees to see what’s left over.

The leftover amount MUST be the measurement of the unknown angle. So, 35 + 45 = 80 degrees. And when we take that 80 and subtract it from 180 we get 100 degrees left over. That means that our unknown angle is 100 degrees! And, you can always check your answer by adding up all the angles to make sure you get 180. So you can see why it’s so important to know that a triangle’s angles add up to 180 degrees! Well, that’s all we’re going to learn about triangle is this video. Remember, the key to really learning math is to do it. So, be sure to practice by doing the exercises for this section. As always, thanks for watching Math Antics! and I’ll see you next time! Learn more at

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Here’s How RPG Destiny Child Is Censored On iOS vs Android – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

We’ve just been informed of a large amount of censorship being applied to the iOS verion of Destiny Child, a Korean RPG with artwork from the same person behind the popular MMO Blade and Soul. The tip was sent in via Twitter and, as many Korean sites have been reporting, the iOS version is heavily censored in comparison to the Android release. Interestingly, the title also has a drastically different age rating on iOS as well, with it being rated 12 years and up, unlike the Android version’s 18 rating. You can see some of the changes here. There have been many changes to the artwork, to cover up the female bodies.

A lot of these edits were handled by adding extra fabric to outfits. As shown here though, there have also been alterations reducing characters’ bust sizes. It’s not clear why the iOS version was released in its toned down form. It’s a possibility that the app store guidelines required the devs to tone the art down, although this is not confirmed. Taking a look at the guidelines, the rules ban content that is classed as “overtly sexual or pornographic”, and then going on to define this as “explicit descriptions or displays of sexual organs or activities intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings”. There is currently no news on an English release of the title, but considering the high profile nature of the game, it’s certainly a possibility that this may be announced sometime soon.

It also gives wider context on iOS games in comparison to Android and will definitely be important to keep in mind if an English does get announced in the future. Until next time, thanks for watching everyone..

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XX – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

( car horn beeping ) ( beeping continues ) MAN: Come on! Honey, just pass him. Come on! Calm down and just pass him. WILLOWS: Hey, Jim! We got a call. A possible 4-19. Is there a dead body or not? That arm crash-landed on the windshield of the car. According to the driver, it shot out from under the bus. Generally speaking, where there’s an arm, there’s a body. What say we check out the bus? Good call. Now, the, uh, passengers were on their way to St. Matthew’s Church in Pioche. They were from a work release program at Nevada Correctional Institution.

Okay, well, I got some blood on the wheel well. Oh, yeah, that’s a definite on the 4-19. Um, well… appears to be female. Caucasian. Tied to the undercarriage… maybe. Hitch a ride under a bus. Well, that’s one way to get out jail. Yeah, and I bet this big boy spit out body parts all the way down the road. So… the bus is traveling 65 miles per hour. What’s the distance from the tip of her nose to the tip of her toes? Captioning sponsored by CBS, C.S.I. PRODUCTIONS and Volkswagen. On the road of life there are passengers and there are drivers. ♪ Who… are you? ♪ ♪ Who, who, who, who? ♪ ♪ Who… are you? ♪ ♪ Who, who, who, who? ♪ ♪ I really wanna know ♪ ♪ Who… are you? ♪ ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪ ♪ Who… ♪ ♪ Come on, tell me who are you, you, you ♪ ♪ Oh, you! ♪ Well, looks like she used strips from a white cotton sheet. Yeah, use whatever’s available when you’re breaking out of prison, I guess.

Low thread count. Average tensile strength wasn’t strong enough to support her weight. ( gasps ) ( screams ) The torque of the spinning axle ripped her apart like the rubber off a bad retread. Yep. If she’d used a nylon rope, she’d be on her way to Tijuana. Right. I’ll call Auto Detail, have the bus sent to the garage, yeah? Oh, hey, after that, grab Sarah and go directly to jail. I’m going to supervise this body part collection. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Okay, David, I think that’s it. I’ll get these parts to Dr. Robbins. He’ll start putting her back together. ( siren wails in distance ) Helter-skelter. Yeah… except there’s no blood spatter on the walls or the ceiling. BROWN: We have the murder weapon. Stabbed in the chest. ( grunts ) There’s two of them in that apartment. The name’s Adanto Adams.

He don’t live in that apartment. He’s visiting from out of town. That’s Zero’s little brother. Zero? Zero Adams. He’s the one who lives there. Well, unless he was bending over the sofa with his chest pushed against this cushion, this bloodstain is inconsistent with that wound. Paul, would you turn him over for us? Oh, yeah. Stabbed in the chest and the back. So, uh, where is this Zero now? I don’t know. I’m not his mother. I’m his landlord. Well, if you see him, give me a call. Yeah, yeah, sure. When I do a jigsaw puzzle, I like to start with a corner piece. When the puzzle’s a body, the corner piece is the pelvis. Oh, uh, Nick ID’d your vic. She missed her last bed check. Convict #6920. Antoinette Stella. Two-year sentence for identity theft.

She was due for release next month. Guess she was in a hurry. No, she wasn’t trying to escape. She was murdered. I dissected her arm. The blood in the brachial artery is clotted, which is indicative of a post-mortem laceration. Have you determined the cause of death? Yep. Cranio-cerebral injury… …due to blunt- force trauma. Depressed skull fracture imbedded with tiny white fibers. Given the depth and position of the, uh, fracture, the head with something hard on the inside and white and fuzzy on the outside. I’d like a clean look at that fracture. Sure. I’ll start her bath. Anything else? Well, you might her left forearm. Birthmark? Rap sheet’s referenced “dermatological anomalies.” According to her, she didn’t have any. I’ll take a slice down to Histology. WARDEN: We locked down as soon as we got the call.

We do bed checks six times a day. All inmates were accounted for at 1300 hours. STOKES: What time did the bus leave for church? WOMAN: 1330. Hey, sexy, how ’bout you come back here on your day off? No gag reflex. Watch it, Harris. Got a drawer full of C-9s with your name on ’em. What are you lookin’ at? What can you tell us about the vic? WARDEN: Antoinette? She was popular with the other inmates. No enemies to speak of. This was Antoinette’s cell. Christine, you’re going to step out. Officer. When’s the last time you saw Baby Girl? I’ll need to check my calendar. Don’t get stupid on me, Christine. Baby Girl– was that a street name? Yes. That’s what everyone called her. Christine? I saw Baby Girl at lunch ’bout an hour before we got on the bus.

Hey, that’s my locker. I didn’t take none of Baby’s stuff. Didn’t say you did. Look… I didn’t hardly know Baby Girl. She only lived up in here eight days. Eight days? In this cell. Few weeks ago, I found her smuggling contraband. It was just a silver necklace. Inmates aren’t allowed jewelry. It wasn’t a major infraction, but I transferred her cell. SIDLE: Makeup, deodorant, shampoo. Inmates are allowed commissary visits once a month, unless they rack up two weeks in nights. SIDLE: Do you keep track of purchases? I can get you a list. And just for the record, in the state of Nevada, there’s never been a homicide in a female correctional facility. Until now. What are you doing? I’m ruling you out as a suspect, ma’am. ( sighs ) No evidence of blood.

I could’ve told you that. Warden, could you show us where the bus was parked before it left the facility? The bus was stationed right here. Are you the only driver? Only bus driver. Got my CDLC last May. MAN ( over P.A. system): Attention, inmates… Officer, before you drove out of here, did you inspect the vehicle? Miss… Sidle, I don’t get time to scratch my ass. I haven’t had a junior officer in my department in two years. Now, usually, I work the road, and when the warden asks, I take inmates on field trips. Did you know the dead woman, Baby Girl, Antoinette Stella? Start seeing ’em as real people, start carin’ when they go back to their pimp dealer scumbag boyfriend? That’s enlightened. That’s reality. No sign of a struggle, no evidence of a body drag. If the attack didn’t happen in her cell or in here, maybe it happened on the bus. SIDLE: Who maintains your transpo fleet? Fleet? We got three antique buses. Inmates do all the work. You allow inmates to service your prison vehicles? You bet.

On Saturday, I even bring in my SUV. Juanita washes it. Ain’t that right, Juana? I’ve got to get something on top of my $11.65 an hour. Look, we’re in the middle of the desert. We’re a hundred miles from the pit of nowhere. Is that gate always unlocked? It’s not like someone’s going to hot-wire the bus and hightail it out of here. Right, so essentially anyone in the prison population could have walked into the garage, onto the bus and no one would have said boo? Boo. ♪ ♪ MAN: I got a call at work and was told to get over here right away and he’s not here. Detective, I got your page. Hey, we were canvassing the area when Mr. Samuels showed up. He says he’s the tenant’s guardian. He’s got questions. So do I. Mr. Samuels, I’m Warrick Brown. I’m from the Crime Lab.

What happened to Zero? There’s crime tape on his door. These guys won’t let me in. His brother was murdered. Adanto. Did you know him? Yeah, I’ve known them both since they were kids. Frank… Zero. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. Absorption. Blood? Yeah, and it’s more than just a paper cut. I’ll swab it for DNA. Florescence. Bluish-white. Acid phosphatase tests positive. What is semen doing in the back of a female prison bus? FRANK: It’s okay, Zero. Just answer the questions. I said I was sorry ’cause I’m not supposed to be out by myself. So, why did you go out? Well, I came home from special school, I found Adanto in the kitchen. When was the last time you talked to your brother? Just before school. What I’m about to tell you, you can’t tell anybody. No.

No, I won’t. Scout’s honor. We’re going to be rich like we always talked about. I love you, kid. I love you, too. Said he was going to buy me a shiny new car and a driver to take me anywhere I wanted to go. He said we were going to be rich. MAN ( over P.A. ): Inmates, you have ten minutes till bed check. WOMAN: Juanita’s in charge of bus detail. I’m sure she’ll be happy to answer your questions. Juanita? Do you recall the last time that you washed out the interior of the bus? Yesterday, a few hours before we left for work release. If something’s missing, it wasn’t me. You can check my locker. Did you notice anything unusual in the back of the bus? Like what? Blood or… semen? Didn’t see any blood. What about semen? Don’t they still do it in the backseat in the free world? Yeah. But I doubt if conjugal visits are permitted in a prison bus. Conjugal visits aren’t permitted anywhere. The ACLU was going to bring a case that’s…

The only men permitted in this correctional facility are the correctional officers. It’s a Class “D” felony for a CO to have sexual contact with an inmate. Lots of things are felonies, but people still do them. Otherwise, you and I’d be out of a job. HODGES: The white fibers from the head wound were straight out of any Wal-Market. 78% cotton, 14% polyester and seven percent nylon elastic. Sounds like we’re looking for a lethal pair of white underpants. Yeah, or a bra, pair of socks. The skin discoloration, that was a real challenge. You know, uh, on her forearm. Looked like a birthmark. Yeah, that skin sample was supposed to be sent to Histology. Yeah, well, they kicked it back to me. Uh, the coloration was an adulterant. Aluminum chelate of carminic acid. Aluminum ch.

..? I’ve never heard of this before. It’s a cochineal. A what? A cochineal. They’re scaled insects. Carminic acid is found in their intestines. It’s bitter, so it discourages predators. As a dye, it’s been prized for centuries. Since when did you become an insects expert? Entomology textbook. Grissom gave it to me last Christmas. When I can’t sleep, I read. Funny, I didn’t get a Christmas gift from Grissom. Did you? No. Uh, so, assuming that she was tattooed in prison, how’d she get a hold of the bugs? Well, um, cochineals feed on cactus plants. They probably grow wild in the prison yard. SIDLE: Baby Girl could’ve smashed up a few bugs, used the carminic acid to tattoo herself. Do you have a photo of the tattoo? Yeah. STOKES: Looks like a half moon.

Gang moniker, maybe. Every woman knows what that is. It’s a heart. Well, half a heart. Oh. Yeah. Where’s the other half? BROWN: Mr. Samuels, we found your prints on the knife used to kill Adanto Adams. Now, wait a minute. I didn’t stab Adanto. Oh, my God. Zero?! Zero?! ( grunts ) But you didn’t call 911. Or the police. You just took off? That’s a felony. Look, I was concerned about Zero. He’s a nine-year-old kid in a man’s body. I didn’t know if he did it. Zero’s like a son to me. I’ve been his guardian since he was 14. Everybody used to make fun of him. Called him “Zero.” I told him only special people get nicknames. Where’s his parents now? They passed away. He left a small inheritance for his boys… Zero doesn’t spend much. Okay, I’ll ask again. You found the body and then you went to work? I just needed some time to think. Well, you’ll get plenty of that now. 24 hours in a holding cell. Come on.

Let’s go. ROBBINS: It’s very peculiar. Take a look at his chest wound. No right or left angulation. No up or down. Straight in, straight out. GRISSOM: Well, the crime scene suggests he was moving around his apartment while being stabbed so, “straight in, straight out” doesn’t seem likely. Well, one time is an anomaly. Five times? All four back wounds are clustered and parallel. And the chest wound is at the same distance from the crown of his head as the other four. What about defensive wounds? There are none. Okay, so, he’s running around his apartment trying to get away from his attacker and he incurs no nicks or cuts? Nope. What else? Well, I found this in his stomach. Looks like a paper wad of some sort. Maybe a treasure map.

MAN: Good thing this guy’s not concerned with his cholesterol. He ate fatty foods. Paper’s pretty well preserved. Uh, most of the ink is washed off. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s something there in the corner. ( camera servo clicking ) Help me put it in there, Warrick. Uh… “P-A… L…” Oh, The Palms. I know what this is. It’s a receipt for a marker. For ten grand. MAN: Oh, yeah, that’s him. Adanto Adams. Said he wanted to play BJ in the no-limit area. So I had the cage check his credit. Qualified for ten grand. Thank you. And I wrote him up. Did he have some kind of a system? They all got systems. This one was a small-time double-up type thing. Bet 100, lose; bet 200, lose. Bet four, lose. Double-up-till- you-win type thing.

Now, don’t you get anything other than a 20? Hmm? ( bangs table ) The one thing about systems in this town– if you got one, we want you here. Can I get a copy of that footage? Listen, you look familiar. I seen you before? You been in here? Maybe just on a case. How about that footage? Hey, got your page. What’s up? Oh, the warden faxed over Baby Girl’s commissary purchases. She bought one 20-count box of tampons every month like clockwork, but check out the last few months. What are you thinking? She might not have needed any for, oh, nine months? I think Baby Girl was having a baby. Skull’s not ready yet. Enzymes are still eating away at the proteins. Did you, by any chance, do a pregnancy test on Baby Girl? I thought she’d been incarcerated for the last 23 months. She had been.

Urine… you’re out. Okay… Home pregnancy test? About ten times cheaper than the brand sold by our medical supply company, and just as accurate. Eye on the bottom line. I find that very… Sexy? Prudent. But that was a good try. Yeah, plus sign. You know what that means. Who’s your daddy? Archie? Hey. Got your surveillance tape of Zero’s brother. Roll it. Now, according to the pit boss, the kid was playing a double-up system. What I want to know is, how many hands did he back himself up? Let’s find out. First hand, hundred. Loser. Second hand, 200. Lose. Third hand, 400. Lose. $800. So he’s doubling every bet. Yeah, that’s the classic double-up system. Go back out wide. Looks like he’s all in. Tenth bet, $51,200. Adanto has 20. He sticks. She has two up. Another two, and that’s four.

Two, three, two. That’s 11. Ace, ace, ace, ace. Fifteen. Six. Ten-card 21. What are the odds of that? The record’s an 11-card 21. That was back in ’78. So he loses $102,300 in ten hands. What’s the $10,000 marker for? Try to chase back the 102. He lost it all. He swallowed his loss. WOMAN ( over intercom ): All correctional officers report to reception. All COs to reception. Miss Willows. My COs are Level 3 peace officers. I will not subject them to a DNA lineup that is nothing more than a wild goose chase. We have probable cause to believe that a correctional officer was involved with Baby Girl. Involved in getting her pregnant, maybe, but that’s a far cry from homicide. Nevertheless, as you pointed out, sex with an inmate is a crime. Which is the basis for my warrant. Okay, everybody, can I have your attention, please? Hey, I did some digging.

Withdrawal slip from Zero Adams’ custodial account the day of the murder. How much? $102,000 even. Who are the signatories? Zero Adams and Frank Samuels. MAN: Uh, this is not my signature. This is Zero’s account. I’m the custodian, but, um, I didn’t sign this. Adanto. That son of a… What? You knew about this? Indirectly. We had it out. Tell you something, you degenerate. All I’ve heard from you is how much money you blow day-trading, and now you want to touch your brother’s life savings? You can forget about it. Don’t you see? If I play perfect blackjack, there is no way we can lose… There is no perfect blackjack. I’m going to need, uh, a sample of… of your handwriting. Also need a sample from Zero. Just copy this? Yes. MAN: London Letters is one of my favorite standard writing tests. Uh, the paragraph has every capital letter in the alphabet, as well as numbers one through nine. Just tell me who’s lying. Uh, okay.

Uh, Zero’s not. Uh, his signature is authentic. Proof is in the “Z.” Okay, uh, look at the “F” in “Frank Samuels” from the withdrawal slip, and then look at the “F” from the London Letters. Different. As well as the “S” in “Samuels,” and the “S” in “Switzerland.” Again, way off. I hate to tell you, Warrick, but I think your guardian might be telling you the truth. And from what I can see, Zero didn’t forge it. Well, then who did? Adanto? Without a sample, I can’t tell you. Start talking. The blood Nick and Sara found in the back of the bus– consistent with the victim. Not a surprise. Semen found in the back of the bus matches your bus driver’s DNA. Also, not a surprise. Try this one. Bus driver’s DNA has 13 alleles in common with the victim’s unborn fetus. I don’t believe you. She was pregnant. 12 weeks. And you’re the father.

Your attorney has reviewed your case file. It’s in there. STOKES: When he said he expected something on top of his $11.65 an hour, I thought he was talking about free car washes. There’s no evidence of anti- or paramortem rape. He’ll claim it was consensual. It’s still rape. Under color of authority. She swore she couldn’t have kids. Too many turns at the coat hanger. Her words. Yeah. I imagine that you were pissed off when she broke the news. It kind of changes the power dynamics. STOKES: And she blabs to the warden. He’s demoted from officer to inmate. That is murder. I swear, I had no idea. Doug, let me handle this. If the DA had sufficient evidence to file murder charges, he would have. Well, your client’s already been charged with a felony. DA has all the time in the world.

Look, I can’t fight the evidence. Doug, Doug, would you be quiet? Look, I got her pregnant. I admit it. I’ll do the time, okay? But you can’t prove that I killed her because I didn’t. How’s the knife handle coming? Handled. The substance Grissom scraped off was interior latex house paint with titanium dioxide. That would be glossy, right? Mm-hmm. What’s house paint doing on a knife handle? 1984, William Bergstrom asked old man Binion if he could come into his casino and bet a million dollars on one roll of craps. That November, he put a briefcase full of $1 million on the “don’t pass” line, rolled a seven on the come-up. Loser. Soon after that, he killed himself. So, what are you getting at? If the wounds couldn’t have been made by a handheld knife, maybe the knife wasn’t handheld. How else are you going to stab a guy? Well, put the evidence aside for a second.

What was Adanto’s state of mind? You’ve had a few bad runs. Guy comes into town, convinces his brother to invest in some two-bit double-up system, ends up losing his life savings in a ten-card 21. In a word: desperate. So put that into context with your evidence. Greg. Do you think skin cells can survive 50 miles of rough desert road? That’s what I asked you. I analyzed every strip of fabric from the bus’ chassis. Zilch. But I’m a guy who likes to tie up loose ends, so I asked Doc Robbins to send over the scraps that were tied to the body parts. That’s where I found them. Fresh, abraded epithelials. So, if the epithelial DNA matches the bus driver, this case is closed. One problem. Double “X” marks the spot. It’s female DNA? Well, I guess we’re looking at an inmate.

Or female staff. Excuse me. Am I interrupting? Oh, not if the vic’s skull is in that bag. Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio. The occipital bone retained the shape of the murder weapon. Desperation. ( gasping softly ) No way we can lose. ( voices overlapping ) This is Vegas. Anything can happen. ( grunting ) ( shouting ) I found a way to make us some money. We’re going to be rich like we always talked about. I love you, kid. I love you, too. ( grunts ) He killed himself? I’m afraid so. No. Why would he do that? Your brother took out an insurance policy with an accidental death clause. It means that if he was murdered, the beneficiary would be entitled to a million dollars. You’re the beneficiary. Unfortunately, the coroner is going to rule the case a suicide.

.. and not a homicide, which makes that policy worthless. I-I was just trying to help my brother. Oh… I want Frank. Listen to me. Frank will be facing charges of obstructing justice. Do you understand? The court will appoint you another guardian. No, I don’t want another guardian. I want Frank! ( whimpers ) I’m sorry. STOKES: This program is scanning the topography of the skull and building a three-dimensional image based on the data. It should be done in a second, but you can already see two concentric arcs. Inner arc is impressed just a little bit deeper into the skull. Check it out. Like a crater in a crater. Yeah. Can you enlarge to full screen? There. Small… evenly spaced indentations on the edge of the inner arc. I know what that is. Skinny-ass feather worth as much trouble dead as she was alive? I didn’t ask her to move in here.

No one asked you. So, Warden, Baby Girl was transferred to this cell about a week ago? That’s right. Where was she last housed? “D” block. White fibers. Warden, how often do the inmates have their laundry washed? Twice a week: one day for colors, one day for whites. Tomorrow’s a white day. You don’t mind if I empty out your laundry bag, do you? Juanita, would you remove your shoes, please? WARDEN: Now. The other. A lock in a sock. Juanita, I read your rap sheet. Possession with intent to sell. Your old man was using you as a drug meal, right? He was supposed to protect me. He said if I got caught, he’d take the fall. After the raid, he disappeared. Vanished. I get locked up. I should’ve known better. ( sighs ): Well… my ex drained my bank account. I was saving up for this nice little house for my daughter and me, and… As soon as you let ’em in, huh? Gets lonely in prison, doesn’t it? Was it the first time you had a relationship with a woman? Tattoo. Baby Girl had the other half.

I’m not… like that. It wouldn’t be the first time to cross gender lines in search of some… affection. It was the first time I felt that way about anyone. And Baby Girl ended up pregnant. It’s not like she could hide that from you. She said she had the flu. Yeah, right. ( gagging ) That’s what you get for lying to me, for sneaking around. I was just playing him, Juana. I was doing it for us. You’re a liar! Want to know the truth, Juanita? In one month, I am out of this hole… and away from you. And then, later that night, she said she was sorry, and we made up. The next day, she got the warden to transfer her… out of our cell. She wasn’t playing Doug. She was playing me. So you killed her? She promised to end it with Doug. ( moaning ) ( screams ) You tied her body to the undercarriage of the bus and assumed we’d think that she died while attempting to escape.

.. right? If there’s one thing I learned in prison… it’s to stick up for myself… because nobody else will. I think that you should know that Baby Girl was telling the truth about the transfer. It wasn’t her request. It was Warden Hutton’s decision. She was caught trying to smuggle in this necklace and was reprimanded. I’m guessing it was for you. ( gasps ) Captioning sponsored by CBS, C.S.I. PRODUCTIONS Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH

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Jo Koy: Lights Out – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

– L.A., are you ready? [cheers and applause] Live from the Alex Theatre, give it up for Jo Koy! [cheers and applause] – What? What? Oh, shit. Wow. We’re in Los Angel– This is why I love coming home to Los Angeles. This is my home right now, man. [cheers and applause] What’re we doing? Like, just look around, man. Everyone, just look at this, man. Like, we got every color of the rainbow in the theater tonight. That’s when you know you’re in L.A. I mean, we got–like, you can smell each race in here. You know what I mean? I can smell every– like, you can– There’s, like, some tortillas right here. Chicken and waffles right around…

Right around this area are the chicken and waffle… Some Filipino food all over the goddamn place. [cheers and applause] Is that–is that– How many Filipinos in here right now? Let me just hear how many Filipinos. [crowd cheers] Shit. That’s a lot of Filipinos. Somewhere in Glendale, there’s an empty hospital. No nurses working tonight. Nurses’ day off. Just doctors walking around, going, “Where’s Bernadette?” [Filipino accent] “She’s at the comedy show.” [chuckles] That’s how Filip– That’s how those Filipino nurses talk. Like, the ones that didn’t come to the show, the snitchy fuckin’ Filipino nurse. She’s pissed off that she didn’t know all the other Filipino nurses came to the show, now she’s telling the doctor, “She’s at the comedy show. “I was in the breakroom, “and her purse fall down, ticket fall out, “it says, ‘Jo Koy.’ “And she’s at the show, laughing, having good time.” If you’re not Filipino, that’s how they talk.

My mom talks like that. Right? It doesn’t matter how exciting the news is, my mom’s face always looks depressed. Most exciting news in the world, depression on the face. “It’s your sister’s birthday.” “Your brother’s getting married.” “Oh, that sucks, Mom.” My mom would give the worst advice. The worst advi–That’s why I had to leave my mom. Worst advice. If I go to the bar, my mom’s the first one to call me and go, “Josep, are you going to a bar out there? “Are you going out there? “To those bars? That bar?” “Yeah, I’m going to those bars, Mom, why?” “Which bar? Which bar, Josep? Which?” Like she knows all the fucking bars. “I’m just going to a bar.

Why, Mom? Why are you call– I gotta go.” “Well, because, Josep, “the reason why I’m asking you…” That’s how my mom talks to me. She’s gotta fucking sing. “Jo-sep, the reason why I’m telling you “why what bar is because there’s people out there putting drugs in the drinks.” “What are you talking about, Mom?” “Drugs, Josep, drugs. They call it ‘rupie.'” “Did you say, ‘rupie’?” “Yes, Josep, ‘rupie.'” “You mean ‘rufie’?” “Yes, Josep, ‘ru-pie.'” “Mom, why? Why are you talk–” “Because, Josep, what it is “is they put it in the drinks. And it’s a date rape drug.” “Mom, I’m all right. “I-I-I don’t think anyone’s gonna ‘rupie’ me. “So, thank you.

I’m late, I gotta go. Thank you for the advice, but, uh, I’m gonna be okay.” And then she gets mad. “Oh, okay, Josep, you know what? Then just go. “Go, Josep. “Go to those bars. “And drink several drinks. “And put them all over the bar. “Someone will put a rupie in one of those drinks. “You will drink it, fall asleep, you wake up, “they’re fucking your ass. “Fucking your ass. “And then you’ll wake up– ‘My butt hurt!’ You got rupied.” Just a side note, any guy that’s ever rufied a girl, you’re a piece of shit. That’s fucked up. Rufie a girl. That is such bullshit. You rufie a girl. Are you kidding me? That’s horrible. Don’t rufie a girl. This is what I do..

. Creepy guys, listen up. Don’t rufie a girl. That’s illegal. This is what I do. When you’re out drinking with a girl, all right, use the voice that she thinks she hears when she’s being rufied. It’s hysterical. She doesn’t know what the fuck is going on. Like right when she takes a sip out of her drink, just look at her and go, [deep, distorted voice] “How are you feeling?” “Wha–Wha?” “I said, ‘how are you feeling?'” “I don’t feel good.” “You don’t look good either.” [low chuckle] [chuckles] There are some guys here that are gonna try that shit tonight. I swear to God. You creepy fuckers. Don’t do it at the bar across the street, you’ll get caught. Buy a girl a drink, and look at her, and go, “How are you feeling?” And she’s like, “I was at that show, asshole.” “Sorry.

” Do you know how happy I am to be home in L.A.? You don’t understand, you guys. [cheers and applause] ‘Cause I’m on the road. I’m on the road all the time. And I got to go to places where it’s like, I’m–I’m looked at like they’ve never seen this shit before. You know what I mean? Like–like–They– I go to Louisville, and I am the Asian population. It’s like, me and, like, a couple nail salons, and that’s it. And I go to these places, and it’s tough, ’cause you get out– When you live there, they–they–they have things that we aren’t used to in L.A. Like, they got tornadoes in Louisville. Like, I’ve never been in a tornado before. Okay, and I don’t know how to react, and I don’t know what to do, you know what I mean? ‘Cause I’m never part of that. Like, this is what happened.

When I was just in Louisville, a tornado hit Churchill Downs, where they run the horses, okay. Blew the roofs off the stables, and threw horses across the fuckin’ street. And I was there, and I’m like, “I don’t want to be here. “I’m a comedian. I don’t wanna be here. I don’t know what a tornado is.” They had warnings the whole week that I was performing there, and if you’ve never heard a tornado warning before, it’s this sound, this alarm sound. It’s creepy, like, you don’t– If you’re not from there, you don’t know what the fuck it is. I was walking to the comedy club, and this is what I hear… Is a… [imitates cat-yowl siren] And I was like, “This cat is fucking the shit out of this cat.” I want to see these two cats fucking, ’cause the other cat is fucking like… [imitates cat-yowl siren] And I ask the guy, I go, “Excuse me, what is that sound? What is that?” And he’s like– the guy from Louis– he was like, “Oh, that’s just the tornado warning.

” That’s what he said to me, “That’s just the tornado warning.” And I was like, “Well, shouldn’t we fucking hide?” And this is what he said to me. He goes, “Oh, no, it’s not gonna come… it’s not gonna come through here.” Are you fucking kidding me? Like, that’s why their houses get blown the fuck away. ‘Cause they–he…like he talks to tornado all day. Like, “Hey, tornado, are you gonna come through, uh… you gonna come through here?” Tornado says, “Nah, I’m not gonna come through there.” It’s a fucking tornado! You don’t know when a tornado’s gonna appear. It just fucking starts… it just starts spinning. It just starts… It’s like an annoying gay friend that crashes your party. Like, “Ohhh! Ohhh!” It’s like, “Who invited Tornado? He’s blowing everybody!” The only natural disaster– this is what people from L.A.– this is what we– the natural disaster that we’re used to– earthquakes, right? And we don’t give a fuck about ’em.

They don’t scare us. When we’re from here, we don’t give a fuck about an earthquake. This is how you act in an earthquake. All of us, it’s the same shit. It fucking shakes, and you’re like… [frightened, panicked gasping] And when it stops, you’re like, “Hey, let’s get Pinkberry. You want Pinkberry? Pinkberry?” Don’t give a fuck. “Fuck you, earthquake!” Give a shit about an earthquake. I was in my first earthquake. It was about– it was about four years ago or five years ago. It was with my son. It was the first earthquake I was ever in with my son, and, uh, it was so funny, ’cause he was sitting–he was sitting on the couch like this watching, uh, TV, right? And, uh, and I’d just got out of the shower and I’m toweling off. Now, if you’ve never been in an earthquake, it lasts maybe, what, three seconds at the most? But it feels like eternity, right? So I’d just–remember, I’d just got out of the shower and I’m toweling off, and then, all of the sudden, everything starts shaking.

Just… [imitates rumbling] I was like, “Oh, fuck, earthquake,” right? So I had to go get my son, and everything was like slow-motion, so I started running to the living room. It was like, [slow] “Jo!… “Jo!… Jo!” Wet, naked. “Jo!… Jo!…” I came around the corner, and my son looked at me like this… “Aah!” “Jo! Jo!” “Aah!” “Jo! Jo!” “Aah!” And the earthquake stopped, so I put him back on the couch and I kissed him. I go, “I love you.” And I walk back to the room–wet, naked– and I was toweling off, and I started thinking to myself. I was like, “Should I tell him what just happened?” He has no idea what the fuck just happened. He was just watching Spongebob Squarepants and his wet, naked dad came running around the corner going, [slow] “I love you, Jo!” So I didn’t tell him. Fuck it, I’m gonna let it sit in the back of his head for the rest of his life. Every time there’s an earthquake, he’s gonna go, “Oh, shit! Do you see my dad? You see my dad?” [slow] “Jo!” If you don’t have kids, all right, they’re a joy.

I love my son to death, man. He’s eight years old, he’s the love of my life, all right? But if you don’t have kids and you’re thinking about having kids, ’cause I know there’s some people in here like, “I’m ready to have a kid. I want to be a mommy,” and there’s some guys like, “I want to be a daddy.” Um, shut the fuck up. Shut up. No you’re not. You’re not ready. Look at me. Look at this. Look! Take a close look. I used to have long, beautiful hair. It’s gone! Pull out. Pull the fuck out. It’s your only option, use it. Pull out. This is all you gotta do. “Ha!” Baby. No baby. Minivan. Sports car. There’s parents in here too. I see you guys. You don’t even have to tell me you’re a parent.

You don’t have to applaud. You don’t have to say shit. I know what a parent looks like. Parents recognize parents. We just know. When I said “pull out,” there were some parents in here like, “Yeah, I should have.” Parents don’t want to go home. You guys are laughing and having a good time right now, but in the back of your head, you’re like, “Fuck… I hope he’s asleep.” And he’s not. He’s not. When you go home, they’re waiting for you. You know why? ‘Cause your babysitter fed him fucking Cocoa Puffs and chocolate milk for fucking dinner. So now they’re standing by the front door like fucking crackheads. And they’re always holding heavy shit for no reason. Just naked with a box of LEGOs. And then you open the door, “Daddy!” Go to sleep! My son’s gotta tell me six hours’ worth of shit in two minutes.

The minute I walk in, he’s gotta tell me everything he did while I was gone. “Daddy! You’re not gonna believe this, “but I played NBA 2K11 in 3D, Daddy! “Blake Griffin dunked the basketball “and the ball came right at me and I was like, “‘Oh, my God, that is so cool!’ “Daddy, I made a basketball out of LEGOs, “but Mommy said I can’t throw it in the house “’cause it might break a window! “Daddy, I tried Yoo-hoo for the first time. I like chocolate!” Pull out. Kids are the shit though. When you become a parent, you gotta teach your kids things that you didn’t think you had to teach them. I mean, sometimes, I’ll look at my son and go, “Why don’t you know this? It’s common sense!” And then I realize, “Oh, fuck. “He just got his brain eight years ago.

I gotta tell him.” My son got pink eye three weeks straight. Three weeks straight. I felt like the worst dad in the world. The first week, the nurse called me, right? She’s like, “Hi, your son’s got pink eye. Come get your son.” I go, “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry. I’ll be right there.” I go pick up my son, take care of it, bring him back to school. Second week, pink eye again, right? Nurse is pissed. “Hi. “Your son has pink eye. “Again. Come get your son.” I go, “Oh, my God, I’m sorry. I thought it was allergies.” “No, it’s not allergies. His eyes are pink.” “I’ll be right there.” Go get him, fix it up, bring him back. Third week, pink eye again. Both fucking eyes. I swear to God, both eyes. He never looked more Asian in his life. I went to go get him, I was like, “Jo, you all right?” He turned around and was like, “Dad, this hurts so bad.

” I don’t know why he was bucking his teeth. That was some extra shit. “Ohh! Ohh!” The nurse pulls me to the side and she’s whisper-yelling at me. You know what I mean? She’s like, whisper-yelling. That’s how they do it in school. They whisper-yell at you in front of the kid. So she pulls me to the side and she’s like, “I don’t understand why you keep “bringing your son to school when he has pink eye. “You need to take care of “this problem before you bring him back. “It’s not safe for the other kids, “and you’re not being a responsible parent. “The last time this is gonna happen, do you hear me? Last time.” And I got all, like, offended, so I started, like, whisper-yelling back. I was like, “Hey, uh, first of all, “Don’t you ever yell at me “in front of my kid again. “And first of all, I did take care “of the problem, but every time I take care of the problem, “I bring him back to school and he keeps getting pink eye.

“Don’t you think that’s a little weird, huh? “A little weird, right? It is, right? “Maybe some kid at your school has pink eye on his fingertips and he’s rubbing it all over the other kids’ eyes.” And she goes, “Yeah, that’s your kid.” I go, “Sorry!” So I take him home, fix it up, he’s sitting on the living room floor, and I’m looking at him like, “Why does he keep getting pink eye?” I felt like the worst dad in the world. And it was like God was like, “Here, let me show you. You’re too stupid to figure this out.” And it happened right before my eyes. My son takes his hand and goes right down his shorts. [crowd groans] That’s what I said, “No! No!” ‘Cause he was in there… like he forgot something. And he pulled his hand out and he put it right here on his thigh, right? And I wanted to tell him.

I was like, “Jo, go. Go to the bathroom, wash your hands.” That’s what I wanted to say. But then I wanted to see it actually happen. I wanted to see this shit unfold. So I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. So I was just mumbling to myself like, “Don’t do it, Jo. “Jo, don’t do it. Don’t do it. “Go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. “Jo, don’t do it. “Don’t do it, Jo. “Go to the bathroom, Jo. “Noo! Don’t do it!” Pink eye, fourth week. Right there. I didn’t know I was supposed to tell my son, “Jo, when you scratch your asshole… don’t rub your eye.” I thought that was common fucking sense! Plus, when you scratch your asshole, it leaves a scent on your fingertips, so when you go towards your eye, your nose goes, “Don’t put that shit in your eye!” But my son smells that and goes, “Wow! “Put that in both my eyes! I can see my fart.

” Love my son. Any new parents out there? This is my only suggestion, right now. This is the only thing I can give you as another parent is take a lot of pictures and take a lot of video tape. As much as you can. And actually, every time your kid goes, “Mommy, pick me up. Daddy, carry me.” Pick ’em up. Carry ’em. Don’t look at ’em and go, “You’ve got legs, walk!” Don’t do that shit, ’cause they grow up that fast, and there’s gonna come a time where they don’t want you to pick ’em up anymore and you’re gonna miss those fucking days. I’m gonna hold my son till he’s 20. I don’t give a fuck. We’re gonna be at the mall, my son’s gonna be like, “Dad, this is ridiculous.” “Just hurry up and burp, son.” Take a lot of video. Capture every moment. It’s called evidence. Everything that makes your son cry or be sad, get it on tape. Use it against him. The worst day of my son’s life was his first day of school. He didn’t want to go to school.

Kept crying till 3:00 in the morning. Crying all night, “I don’t want to go to school, Daddy! “I want to stay home, Daddy! I don’t want to go! “I’m a good boy! “I don’t even know those people, Daddy, and you’re gonna make me go to school!” “I don’t wanna go! [incoherent whining] I wanna stay home!” And I’m like, “Jo! “Go to sleep! “It’s 3:00 in the morning! “Go to bed! Baby, you’re gonna have fun in school. “You get to learn things in school. “You get to meet new friends in school. “You get to play with your new friends at recess. “You’re gonna have fun, baby. “Daddy’s gonna take you to school, so why are you scared? I’m gonna be there for you.” And then I was like, “Oh, shit, “I gotta get the camera. I gotta get all this crying on tape.” That way, when he gets older, and starts talking shit, I got that tape.

‘Cause you know how little boys are when they’re 16. They talk shit to their dads. It’s like, “Dad, why are you a dick all the time?” And I go, “Really?” and I pop the tape in. What about that, bitch?” But that didn’t happen. I brought him to his first day of school. My son grew up just like that, right before my eyes. Turned into a little man. Teacher said his name, he walked right past me. I tried to kiss him, he did that Matrix shit on me. Standing in the single-file line like this, holding his backpack. And these two little boys that obviously went to preschool together. They’re in the same class. They run up behind my son. “This is gonna be fun. “We’re gonna have fun in kindergarten. We’re gonna have fun in kindergarten!” My son doesn’t even know these kids, but he keeps looking at them, trying to engage in some type of conversation.

Like, [childlike] “Yeah, this is gonna be fun.” “Yeah, I-I’m gonna be your friend.” [growls] “Look at my ting-ting.” [laughs] – I’m across the auditorium. I’m recording everything, and he sees me. So I mouth to him. I go, “I love you. I love you.” And my son goes like this… What a dick, right? And then a teacher goes, “All right, we’re gonna take the kids to class, and even if your kid starts crying, don’t come with us ’cause we’re trying to break that bond. Parents, stay in the auditorium.” I go, “All right, now my son’s gonna cry.” Reality check. Daddy’s gotta leave. So I run up to my son. I’m trying to squeeze one tear out of this fucker. I’m saying mean shit too, like, “Daddy’s gotta go. That’s a lot of scary people here.” “Watch out.” My son goes like this, “So what, Daddy? “Just go.

Get out of here.” And I was like this, [broken up] “Okay.” “You don’t–you don’t have to say it so loud. “I just want you to know I made you a sandwich “and I put Go-Gurt in your backpack, “and there’s a Capri Sun. “And if you’re still hungry, Daddy put $3 in your pocket “so you can get–I gotta go. I gotta go.” And I leaned in to kiss him like this and put his little baby hand on my face, just like that. So cute. And he goes, “Move.” He fucking pushed my face and walked out that door with those two boys he’d just met in line. And now they think he’s king shit ’cause he just bitch-slapped his dad. So I stopped him. You’re not gonna punk me. I don’t give a fuck if you’re five. I was like, “Jo, turn around. Daddy’s gotta talk to you.

Turn around.” He’s like, “What you want, Daddy? I’m with my friends.” His one friend’s like, “You okay, Jo?” “I got this. What you want, Daddy?” I go, “Baby, I just want you to know one thing “before you go to class, okay? “I just want you to know that I, uh… I could have pulled out.” “What are you talking about, Daddy?” “I’m just saying you could have ended up on a pillowcase or a shirt.” “Daddy, what are you talking about? “I’m just saying, your mommy could have swallowed you. I’ll pick you up at 2:15.” I gotta take this jacket off. I’m sorry, I gotta do it. I’m fucking sweating my ass off. [cheers and applause, mostly female] Yeah, oh, shut up. I never– I never told anyone where my son got “ting-ting” from, so I’m gonna tell you where he got it from, all right? Um, my mom speaks Tagalog. All right? Tagalog. First of all, I just don’t want you to think my son just woke up one day and looked at his dick and went, “You are ting-ting!” I’m gonna tell you the history of “ting-ting.

” My mom speaks Tagalog, okay? And in Tagalog, uh, uh, the penis is called titi. And my son heard that one day and he thought he heard “ting-ting.” And we didn’t want to correct him, ’cause he thought he was speaking Tagalog and it was funny as shit. Like we would watch, like, like, VH1 and the VJ would be like, “We’ll be right back with this independent group called The Ting-Tings,” and my son’s like, “Ho-ho-ho, yeah! Ting-Tings!” And he doesn’t call it his ting-ting anymore. Like, I said it on my last special. If you didn’t see it, like, my son called his dick his ting-ting and he called it for– for years he was saying it. He started saying it like 2 1/2, 3, and he didn’t stop, and it started to, like, worry me, you know what I mean? Like, he would– every time someone would come over, it was cute. Like three, four, five, he would do it. Anyone that came over, it was like, “Hey, this is my son, Jo,” and my son would be naked and like, “Look at my ting-ting!” and then he’d run.

And that was funny. But then it started getting old, like, “All right, Jo, you gotta stop.” It’s like, “You’re six and seven, it’s not funny anymore.” And he was doing dumb shit, like, “Dad! Ting-ting’s eating breakfast again!” And he’s got his dick in a bowl of cereal. “He’s eating Lucky Charms!” We’re like, “Is this gonna stop? “Is he gonna be, like, 21, he’s got his dick “in a bottle of beer, ‘Dad, ting-ting’s drunk again! Nah, he ain’t driving, though. He’s not driving.'” He stopped calling it his ting-ting. Thank God, you know what I mean? He stopped calling it his ting-ting, uh, this year. Eight, eight. And it’s sad, but I was happy, you know what I mean? Like, I was sad ’cause he didn’t do it anymore, but I was happy ’cause he stopped. And then, uh…

But he still plays with his dick. ‘Cause he’s a boy. That’s what boys do. You know what I mean? You discover your dick at two, and you don’t stop. I haven’t. And every guy in here hasn’t stopped either. There’s some guys looking at me like, “Uh, that’s disgus–” Man, shut the fuck up. You– You do it too. Guys find stupid reasons to play with their dick. No reason, like, “Is it tax season? God damn it! Fuck!” And there’s old guys in here. I see some old guys in here. They’re probably like, “That’s disgusting. I would never have to do that.” He’s probably looking at his wife, “I would never–you know, I’ve been married to you for 25 years. I would never have to do–” That fucker does it the most. You’re not as fast as you used to.

.. you don’t have that young arm anymore… but you’re wiser, you’re older. You probably do creative shit like leave your hand out there and fuck your hand like, “Yeah! Back in my day.” Stopped playing with his dick. I mean, he still plays with his dick, and, uh, and it’s hilarious because, uh, like, this is when it happened. This is when I caught him one time. It was the funniest shit. He was sleeping at my house, and he was sleeping right next to me. And I had my back turned to him, right? And he wakes up early. My son wakes up at like 7:00 in the morning all the time. And all I hear is this, just, ♪ Duh duh duh duh ♪ ♪ Duh duh duh duh duh ♪ ♪ Duh duh duh duh duh ♪ ♪ Duh duh duh duh duh duh ♪ And I woke up and I was like, “What the fuck is he doing?” And I looked over my shoulder, and my son had the hardest eight-year-old penis I’ve ever seen. Like he was dreaming about Transformers all night, and we woke up and went, “Bumblebee!” and his dick went.

.. [imitates transforming sound] And he didn’t know what to do with it, so he was just strumming it like a guitar, like, ♪ Duh duh duh duh ♪ ♪ Duh duh duh duh ♪ ♪ Duh duh duh duh ♪ ♪ Duh duh duh duh ♪ Then he saw me wake up and goes, “Daddy!” And I couldn’t get mad at him… ’cause I woke up with a boner too. So I just joined in. I was like… ♪ Duh duh duh duh ♪ ♪ Duh duh duh duh ♪ ♪ Duh duh duh duh ♪ Anyways, back to the story. Back to the ting-ting story. All right, the reason why he calls it his ting-ting is because, like I said, my mom speaks Tagalog, and in Tagalog the penis is called titi. He heard it, he thought he heard “ting-ting,” all right? Now this is when it happened. I’m gonna tell you guys a story. There’s people that aren’t Filipino in here. I’m gonna tell you a story about Filipino moms and their sons. Now, Filipino moms do shit to their sons that may not be socially accepted in America, but I just want you to know, I’m okay. Now, I know that’s a creepy way to introduce a joke, but just believe me, I’m all right.

Now, my mom was at my house when, uh, my son was about 3 1/2, 4 years old, okay? And he just got done taking a bath, and he’s like, “Daddy, I’m done taking a bath! Come and get me!” Right? And my mom was like, “Little Jo, I’ll take care of you. Come to grandma! Come on, come to grandma!” And my son was like, “Grandma!” And he jumped out of the bathtub– wet, naked– running to his grandma. “Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!” “Come to Grandma!” “Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!” “Come to Grandma!” “Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!” And he got right in front of his grandma, and my mom grabbed his dick and went, “I got your titi!” “Aah!” And he fucking ran. “Aah!” And I laughed. [laughs] ‘Cause she used to do that shit to me! I used to hate it when my mom grabbed my titi. And here’s the fucked-up part. My mom would get mad at me for getting mad at her for touching my titi.

How fucked up is that? She’s like, “I got your titi!” I’m like, “Mom! Don’t do that!” [offended gasp] “Why can I not touch your titi?” “‘Cause I’m 32!” I love her. I don’t know how my mom did it. You know what I mean? My mom’s amazing. You know what I mean? She had two kids that were living at home at the time when she was, you know, when she was single, you know? And she raised both of us, uh, really well. She was amazing. She became the mother and the father. And the reason why I tell you that is because she reminded us every fucking day. There wasn’t a day that my mom didn’t tell us that. Just me and my sister just playing in the room, playing around, and then my mom would just come into the room and go, “I just want you kids “to know one thing.

“I’m the mother and the father.” “I bring home the bacon, and I cook that motherfucker too.” My mom was tough as shit. I dare anybody to fuck with my mom’s kids. Dare anybody. My mom was 4’10”. She’ll fight anybody. She didn’t give a shit. That’s how tough my mom was. I remember one time I was at a shoe store and I was fucking up the shoe wall. You know, the shoe display wall? Fucking it up. Just putting shoes all over the place, right? And the salesman saw me and was like, “Hey, get the fuck out of here! Fucking up the shoe wall. Get the fuck out!” He’s cursing at me, right? He didn’t know my mom was in the back of the store. He couldn’t see her. She’s 4’10”! My mom popped around the corner, she was like “Hey! “Who are you talking to? “You don’t talk to my children like that! “Who are you, huh? I want to speak to the manager!” And the guy started making fun of my mom’s accent.

[mocking Filipino] “Oh, you wanna spek-spek “to the manager? Huh? You wanna tok-tok to the man-a-ger?” And my mom goes, “Oh, that’s funny. “You’re making fun of my accent? “I live in your country and I speak two languages: “Tagalog and English. “You live here, how many do you speak? One? You’re stupid.” So the guy started cursing at my mom, right? He was like, “You know what? I don’t need to hear this shit. “Get the fuck out of my store! Take your kid and get the fuck out of my store!” Right? So my mom started cursing back, right? And I’ve seen my mom curse before, but we’d never seen her get into a curse fight. And when you curse, certain words go together, but my mom takes whatever curse words she knows and throws ’em at you. He’s like, “Get the fuck out of my store! And my mom goes, “Oh yeah? You son of a shit! “Fuck your pussy has a dick with shit in it and your pussy “has a mother, mothershit, you! Fuck your pussy, you!” I looked at my sister, go, “Did Mom just say ‘mothershit’?” My mom never hit us, and she never put us in time-out.

She had something better than that. It was called lecturing. If I did something wrong, my mom had at least two hours’ worth of shit to say about it. And it would last so long that it would just–I would look at my mom and go, “Mom, just fucking hit me already. I don’t want to hear your voice anymore.” And if I did something wrong, it wasn’t because– like, if I got a bad grade in school– it wasn’t because I wasn’t studying, it was because I was trying to kill my mom. I was physically trying to kill my mother. You know what I mean? Like, my mom would look at me and go, “Josep, you’re getting a D in math? “Why? Why are you doing that, Josep? “I did not come to this country to give you a better education, “that way you get a D and not be successful in life, “and then you’re going to live in poverty.

“That’s how I live in the Philippines. “I do not want you to do that, Josep. “Are you trying to give me heart attack? “I’m going to die, Josep. Why are you going to do this to me, Josep?” I’m like, “Mom, just fucking hit me. Hit me, Mom.” If I lost something, I lost it. My mom would never help us find shit, right? Normal parents–normal parents help their fucking kids, right? Normal parents help. It’s like, “Okay, what? “Did you lose something? Your keys? “What? Was it in your pants? “Well, what jeans? Were you wearing jeans? Well, let’s look for those jeans.” That’s how you fucking help your kids find shit. Not my mom. If I lost something, I can guarantee my mom’s right behind me fucking with me. Right? She enjoys that shit. If I’m looking under the couch, I guarantee my mom’s right behind me like, “Oh, what? What? What? “What? What’s under– What’s under the couch, Josep? “Is it your keys? “Did you lose your keys again? Oh, maybe they walk under the couch like that?” Now I gotta ask my mom for help.

That’s the worst mistake I can make. “Mom, I late for work. Do you know where my keys are?” “Josep, did you just ask me where your keys are? “Isn’t that a stupid question? “That is a stupid question, Josep. “‘Excuse me, person that does not drive my car, “do you know where my keys are?’ [laughs] “That is stupid, Josep! “Why don’t you ask me where my keys are? “I’ll know the answer to that. “Go ahead, Josep. Ask me! Come on! Ask me right now!” “Mom, do you know where your keys are?” [laughing] “Of course I do! “Of course I do, Josep! “I know where my keys are all the time. “You know why, Josep? “Because I put them in the same place “that I always put my keys. “I hang them over here, oh. On this wooden plaque.

.. “that says ‘keys.’ “Josep, when you lose something, “do you use your eyes to look for it “or do you use your mouth? “Because every time you lose something, Josep, “you use your mouth to find something. “You can’t find anything like that, Josep. “You just walk around, ‘Has anybody seen my keys? “‘I don’t know where my keys are. “I’m late for work.’ Open your eyes! Look for them!” The only time my mom ever got physical with me was at church. Weirdest place, right? Physical at church. And the reason why is ’cause when you’re 10, 11 years old, you hate church for the simple fact that you don’t– you gotta sit there for an hour and a half on this wooden pew. And you gotta sit there. And when you’re 10, 11 years old, you don’t even have ass meat yet. It’s just bone on wood. That’s why kids move around so much, ’cause they can’t feel their asses anymore.

And that guy won’t stop preaching. Just… [religious vocalizing] “Josep! Josep! “Sit up straight! “What is wrong with you? “Stop acting like this, huh? “I’m telling you, this is my last warning. “You better stop acting like this, I’m telling you. You will not be happy.” [religious vocalizing] “Josep! “Turn around! Turn around! “Sorry, sorry. “What is wrong with you? “Why are you acting like this? “You better behave, huh? “This is my last warning, huh? “I’m telling you right now, you will not be happy.” And I would taunt my mom, ’cause we were in church. I’m like, “What are you gonna do? Are you gonna– are you gonna hit me?” And my mom would take her fingertips, the tips of her nails, and she would grab a pinch of skin– You know what I’m talking about, right? And she would pinch so hard I could actually feel the nails touch inside of me. It would hurt so bad that I would lean in like this, “Aah!” And my mom would whisper in my ear, “Who’s laughing now?” Love my mom.

Retired, finally. She’s retired. Doesn’t work anymore. But this is what my mom’s doing with her retirement. She’s a DJ. A fucking DJ. Not a DJ at weddings. Like, a real DJ at an AM radio station with headphones and everything. Like, “Hey, everybody! It’s DJ Josepine! “I’m playing Filipino music from the past, present, and future!” And it’s annoying, ’cause I gotta go to these. Like, every time I have a show in Vegas, I gotta go to this radio show. My mom tells me to go. “Josep, come to my radio show and thank all of my listeners for patronizing your career.” And I have to go and talk to all 40 of her listeners. But here’s the part that pisses me off the most. Every time I go in, she acts like she doesn’t know who the fuck I am. Right? I walk in, she’s like, “Oh, we have a guest!” And then she starts rummaging through her papers.

“Oh, it says you’re a– a comedian, wow! “A comedian! “Well, tell us how it is to be a comedian, um… ‘Jakway’? ‘Ja-kway’?” “It’s ‘Jo Koy’… Mom.” She did not want me to be a comedian at all. This is my 19th year in stand-up, and when I told my mom 19 years ago that I wasn’t going to college, she cried. Cried. “Why, Josep? “Comedian, really? That’s what you want to do? “There’s no–there’s no future in comedian, Josep. “There’s no money to be made in comedian, Josep. “What are you, a clown? “You’re going to be clown, Josep? “How about if you get sick, Josep? “There’s no health insurance. “There’s no health insurance if you get sick. “How are you going to pay the doctor? “Jokes? “‘Oh, thank you, doctor.

What do I owe you? “‘Oh, really? Knock-knock.'” The one person that did believe in me: my lola Tina. My grandmother, right? My grandmother passed away of cancer, uh, 19 years ago. Like, she passed away of cancer. And the cool thing about my grandmother is she fought that shit to the end. She was diagnosed with it, and she was supposed to go like that, and she ended up fighting that shit for five years, and we all– Yeah, it was amazing. [cheers and applause] It was a sad time, but it was a good time. You know what I mean? ‘Cause I got to– We all moved to Vegas. That’s why I moved to Vegas, is to be with my grandmother. And, uh, and it was a sad time, but it was a good time, because, uh, those times that I was with her, she would, you know– I got to meet my grandma. I got to know my grandma. She would tell me stories and I would just sit there and listen all day.

Man, she would tell me all kinds of stories, and I would just listen to her like, “Are you serious? “Really, Grandma? So she used to lose her keys too, huh?” Tough as shit, man. My grandmother was tough. And I know that’s where I got my funny from, my grandmother, you know what I mean? She was funny, and she would do it indirectly. Like, catch me off-guard all the time. Like, I would take her to chemo and we’re just driving in the car, and she’d be like, “Josep… Josep.” I’m like, “What, grandma?” “I just want you to know that when I die–” I’m like, “Grandma, don’t say that. I don’t like it when you talk like that.” “No, it’s okay. “Why can I not talk about that? “I’m gonna go to Heaven. You don’t want me to go to Heaven?” One time, we were sitting on the couch, right? And my– and we’re watching TV. It’s a true story. This is so fucked up. She goes, “Josep. Josep.” I go, “What, Grandma? What?” She’s like, “I just want you to know that when I– when I pass away–” I’m like, “Grandma, please.

Don’t talk like that. I don’t like it when you talk–” “No, it’s okay, Josep. “I am okay with it, you should be okay with it also. “But when I pass away, I just want you to know “that every time you go to sleep… “I’m going to be watching you. “Sometimes, I will tickle your toes, “and you’ll wake up “and then you’ll look at your feet, and then I’ll go, ‘Ahhh.'” One time, I was taking her back, right, from chemo, and I laid her on her bed, right? I put her on the bed, and I go, “Lola, if you need anything, just call me. “I’ll be right here. I’ll take care of you, okay? Just call me.” She’s like, “Okay, Josep. Love you.” I go, “I love you.” And I started to walk out, and she goes, “Josep! Bless me! Bless me!” If you’re not Filipino, let me tell you what blessing is.

This is what we do with our elders. When you leave, and you say good-bye to your elders, this is what we do. Can you stand up? Just stand– let me touch your– get your hand, and you touch the forehead like that. It’s a sign of respect. That’s what we do. We don’t look at our elders and go, “Fuck you, peace.” We don’t do that. “Bye, bitch.” And then walk. We show respect. That’s what you do. And she was like, “Josep, bless me. You can’t live without blessing your grandmother.” And I was like, “Oh, my God, grandma. I’m so sorry. I’ll be right there.” And I go, and I grab her hand, right. And I go to touch my forehead, and before I touch my forehead, she grabbed my dick and went, “I got your titi!” I went, “Fuck!” Ragh! Pretty sure that’s where my grandma– my mom got all, you know, her personality from.

My mom is a spitting image of my grandmother. And it’s cool, I love it. Any time my mom needed to get her point across, she knew how to do it. ‘Cause I never listen to my mom. I always do that. You know what I mean? I just go, “Mom, are you serious? No, that’s ridiculous.” And I’d just walk away from her, and she gets mad, right? But she always found a way to tell me that I was doing something wrong, or she needed to show me, like, “Josep, you need to correct this. Here’s why.” One time, like– I suffer from this thing called sleep apnea, okay. If you don’t know what sleep apnea is, just ask one of the nurses inside the building. They’ll tell you. It’s a form of snoring, only it’s worse. It’s worse than snoring. I choke when I sleep. And I’m loud. I’m so loud that I wake myself up. And you gotta see the way I sleep. It’s disgusting.

Like, this is what– this is how– This is what I look like when I sleep. [tries to snore through closed throat] Aah! Who is it? Who’s out there? I didn’t know I had sleep apnea. My mom told me I had sleep apnea. I was asleep at her house about six years ago, sleeping in the guest room, the same way I always do, just like this– [choked snoring] And I woke up– [gasping] My mom’s at the foot of the bed like this. “Oh, my God, Josep! You’re dying!” I go, “Mom, I’m not dying, I’m snoring.” “Josep, that is not snoring. You look like this… “Josep, you have to go to a doctor and get that checked out, “I’m telling you, you’re going to die, “and I don’t want you to die, Josep, because I’ll die of heart attack if you die, oh, my God, Josep–” “Mom, I’m not gonna go to a doctor for snoring. How long were you watching me? That’s creepy.” And I kicked her out.

“Get outta here! Get outta here, Mom!” “I’m sorry, Josep. “I did not mean to startle you, “it’s just that I was walking to the kitchen, “and I heard a noise coming from the guest room. “It sounded like… “someone was killing a bear. “And I was like, ‘I don’t have a bear.’ “So I opened the door, “and I noticed that it was just you, Josep. “Snoring. “So, I’m sorry. You don’t have to go to a doctor. “Just go to sleep. “Go to sleep. …and die.” So, I went back to sleep. Same shit. [choked snoring] And I woke up. [gasping] My mom’s at the foot of the bed with a fucking camcorder. “I got it all on videotape!” “You fucking recorded me?” “Uh-huh, Josep, I put it on videotape, “that way you can see what I’m talking about, Josep. “It’s not right, watch the videotape, you’ll go to a doctor, Josep, please watch it–” I’m like, “All right, Mom, I’ll watch the videotape! I can’t believe you recorded me, Mom.” “Just watch the tape.

” “All right, put it in.” And she put the tape in. Before she pressed play, this is what my mom did. “Everybody, come downstairs! “We’re going to watch Josep sleep. It’s scary!” She pressed play. I watched it. It’s the creepiest video you’ll ever see. It’s shot in that– that black light. You know what I mean? Like, that surveillance video shit. It’s pitch-dark in the hallway, my mom can’t even see herself, she’s just standing in front of the camera, and she’s documenting the whole thing like she’s– she’s on Discovery. “We’re outside my son’s room. He says that– “that he is snoring, and I told him that he is not snoring. “So, I’m going to get this on videotape. “That way, he’ll see it, and then go to a doctor. Um, let’s take a closer look.” I watched the videotape. It’s horrible. It’s horrible, and I saw myself sleeping, I couldn’t believe it.

I ended up going to a sleep center. I had to go there. They had to monitor my sleeping behavior. You know what I mean? The doctor put all these wires on my toes, these wires on my fingertips, this chest pad to monitor my heart, they put this crown on my head to monitor my brain waves. When the doctor put all that shit on me, he was like, “All right, you can sleep now.” I was like… I was like, “Are you fucking kidding me? I look like a Christmas tree.” When I fell asleep– I can sleep in any situation back then, man, and I fell asleep. The doctor let me sleep about 15 minutes, maybe 15 minutes. And he kicked the door open. Scared the shit out of me. Like, he literally kicked the door open. [imitates kick] “Get up!” I was like– [gasping] Piss.

He goes, “How long you been sleeping like this?” I go, “My whole life.” He goes, “Holy shit!” He goes, “I’m surprised you’re not dead yet!” I go, “Why?” He goes, “You sleep like a 400-pound obese man.” I go, “Are you serious?” He goes, “Yeah, I’m serious. “We monitor how many times you wake up a minute. Want to know how many times you wake up a minute?” I go, “How many times?” He goes, “60 times a minute.” There’s only 60 seconds in a minute. That means I’ve been sleeping like this my whole life… Ka! Ka! Ka! Ka! Ka! Ka! Ka! Ka! Ka! Ka! Ka! He wanted to perform surgery that week. He goes, “I want to cut your soft palate out, “and your tonsils out. “That way you breathe better. You have a passage– An open passage for you to breathe better.” And I was like, “Well, how long is the healing process?” He goes, “About three months.” I go, “I can’t do that. I’m on the road every week, I can’t do that.

” He goes, “Well, there is an alternative.” I go, “What?” He goes, “A CPAP machine.” Yeah. A CPAP machine. If you don’t know what a CPAP machine is, I have to wear this mask on my face. All right, these two straps go behind my head. It looks like I have a jockstrap on my face. This hose goes out into a machine, I press power, and it blows air down my throat. But when I wear it, I sleep like an angel. Just– [purrs] Every now and then, I’ll knock the straps off. [snaps] It’s like a scene from Aliens. I don’t tell any girl about this machine until the first night we do it. ‘Cause if I tell her before, it’s a deal breaker. No girl is gonna sleep with a guy with a fuckin’ machine next to his bed. She walks into the room, and she sees that machine, she’s like, “What the fuck is that?” And I just look at her and go… [deep, distorted voice] “How are you feeling?” I love you so much, you guys.

Thank you. [cheers and applause] [hip-hop music] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] This is him right here. [cheers and applause] I go, “Jo, I’m gonna take you to the show.” He goes, “Cool, I’ll wear my Jabbawockeez shirt, Dad.” [laughter] Is this cool or what? Where’s your titi? No. He’ll show you, asshole. [laughter] [cheers and applause] I love you guys so much. Thank you. [cheers and applause] I love you. Hey, um, remember what I said about my mom and her gold. – Oh… – Did I not say it? – Yeah. – In the car, I go, “How much you wanna bet my mom’s gonna have a ton of gold on?” – Oh– [laughs] – “It’s an event. I’m going to wear gold.

” [laughter] ♪ ♪.

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I Tested Viral Life Hacks and Crafts – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

hey guys what’s up it’s Charlie here and today we’re going to be looking at the 8 best life hacks and crafts in case you guys didn’t know I have a whole different brand called the crafty it has over a million Instagram followers so maybe you know it well on that I do a bunch of life hacks and crafts and today I’m going to be testing some of these out on top tens but before we make our lives way easier why not subscribe and press at the notification bell too coming up first we have Oreo ice pop do you guys love Oreos I am sure you do but it’s coming up to the summertime so maybe it’s a bit too hot for Oreos no well don’t worry about it guys because today we’re making an Oreo ice pop all you need to do is grab one of these Oreo boxes which has individual packets of Oreo cookies then take one out and here’s the fun part smash it with a rolling pin just imagine the Oreo packets someone you don’t like and really smash it to pieces then open it up and stand it in a glass next pour in some double cream this may be called heavy cream if you’re in America and if you don’t have that try using milk Birds be warned milk does not freeze as well as heavy cream so try that instead now for the hard part we have to wait for it to freeze simply put it in the freezer for around 4 hours and it should be ready to enjoy now take it out of the freezer and have a delicious bite of these Oreo ice pops this is great to make in the summer and it’s very cheap and easy too next up is DIY stress ball I’m sure no matter what you do you’re stressed out maybe you’ve got a really tough job and you get stressed out with all the work you have to do or maybe your teenager going through high school and you have personal issues and high school issues well did you know that therapists say one of the best things to do is to squeeze a stress ball it may sound silly but squeezing the stress ball really can help to relieve your stress but who wants to buy a super expensive one instead let’s make our own for free first grab a water bottle and fill it up with flour next grab a balloon and put that over the bottle now turn the bottle on its side and squeeze the flour into the balloon try not to make too much mess but be warned this hack is kind of messy once you’ve got all the flour in the balloon take the balloon off the water ball – next try the blue knob and try not to get too much flour all over the place and there you go you’ve got your own DIY stress ball made easy you can squeeze this as much as you want and it shouldn’t break if you want some extra fun draw a smiley face on it with permanent marker next staff is keyboard cleaning slime look at your computer keyboard right now I guarantee there’s some nasty dirt or grime on it somewhere okay maybe that’s just me but if you can relate to them don’t worry we’re gonna clean that up right now and we can do it all with the magic of slime for this one you need to grab a bowl then dump a bunch of clear or white PVA school glue into it next up add some lemon juice to create a clean lemon scent then for fun you can even add some food coloring then add borax or iContact solution to it now we need to mix it up a lot you should mix it until it’s around the consistency you’re seeing on screen right now make sure it’s not too sticky otherwise we’ll get stuck inside your keyboard which will not be good once it’s that this kind of texture you can dump it onto your keyboard let it sit for a few seconds and it should pick up any dirt or grime on your keyboard this one may take a few tries to make sure you have it the correct consistency but once you have you can store it in a plastic container and use it every time your keyboard gets dirty next up is balloon magic trick if I asked you to pick up a glass jar or cup with just a balloon you probably say how well it’s easy with this amazing magic trick first grab your jar or glass then light a match and put it into the glass now quickly before it goes out put your balloon over the glass or jar then wait for the match to go out and it will stick to the balloon you’ll now be able to raise the balloon and it will raise the glass or jar and if you try to pull the two apart you probably won’t be able to unless you’re very strong the way this works is the lint match needs oxygen that’s why it sucks all the oxygen out from the gaps in between the balloon and the jar this presses the balloon into the jar making it stuck in there but don’t worry if you need your jar or glass back simply grab a pin and pop that balloon next up is balloon ice hack we’ve all been there you are at a house party and you have a load of drinks in ice but the ice melts very quickly and before you know it all of your drinks are simply floating in water well here’s a way to make ice that stays frozen for a very long time and not only that you can actually reuse this ice all you need to do is grab a bunch of balloons then fill them up with a bit of water and then freeze them once they’re frozen you can put them in a bowl and then put a bunch of drinks in there too then just like that you have reusable ice for any party or event and because these balls of ice is so large and thick it means they won’t melt after a very long time next up is elastic band hack so this one is a super simple hack you can use every single day have you ever tried to get some powder from a container and taken way too much we’ve all been there whether we’re making coffee or hot cocoa but to fix this all you need to do is put an elastic band around the container you can then scoop out however much you want and simply brush the excess amount off with the elastic band this is super easy to do and it’s a hack you can use every single day and finally on the list of our best life hacks and crafts we have clean permanent marker if you’re in school or work I’m sure you make notes on your hands all the time but what happens if you use a permanent marker or maybe if your friend pranks you and draws permanent marker on your hand well there’s actually a really weird way to clean it off you wouldn’t imagine first you need to grab an unlit match then dip that in some water then brush that on your hand and it will actually get rid of permanent marker this is a pretty amazing cleaning tip which works wonderfully so there you go guys those were our best life hacks and crafts if you want more like this then be sure to leave a comment down below and I’ll be sure to make some more and remember guys you can find way more of my life hacks and crafts on my other brand the crafty it’s pretty big on Instagram but not as big on Facebook and YouTube so be sure to follow it on there too and be sure to check out the poll in the top right corner to vote for the best life hack on this list but as always thanks for watching check out some more videos on screen right now leave like if you enjoyed and if you haven’t already what are you waiting for subscribe top turns.

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7 Tips to Get MOTIVATED to be PRODUCTIVE! – Howtoshtab – how to, lifehacks, tips and tricks

Hello Friends!Welcome back to my channel. My name is Sarah Quinn and today’s video is all about how to get out of a productivity rut. Uhhhh We’ve all been there. We’ve all been a very unmotivated. It is currently so sunny outside It is so warm and the last thing that I want to be doing is studying for my geology exam that I have in three days and So I was very productive this morning But then I started to just get really like drained and like not liking Wanting to do all this work and just wanting to be outside so I’m gonna tell you how you can get out of your productivity rut that you’re in by showing you exactly what I’m doing because I’m in one and what better way to Show you how to go to one then doing it myself So if you haven’t subscribed to my channel, make sure you do that.

My links are all down below to subscribe You can also check out my Instagram by checking the link down there or just right here it is Sarah Quinn and double underscore and I share videos about how to become the best version of yourself through things like productivity and Confidence and all that jazz. So without further adieu, let’s get on to getting out of the productivity rut and stop procrastinating the first thing I’m do I’m going to do is get some nice cold water because and Lemon water because I don’t know about you guys, but whenever I am Unproductive it’s usually because I’m having my caffeine Decline and I just finished almost an entire brand a caramel macchiato, which is my second cup of coffee today so I’m kind of on the decline of caffeine and I don’t think I want to have any more because Otherwise, I’m gonna be up all night, which I might need to do. Anyways for my course, but we’re not gonna get to that I’m gonna go fill this up with some nice fresh crispy lemon water That tastes good in relation to this if you don’t feel like having water I’m gonna make a smoothie because I’ve only had one meal today and it is 3:45 which is probably not a good thing.

Um, that means that I do intermittent fasting So I’m having my second ish meal right now And so I’m going to make a smoothie as you have along with my water And so that is the next tip and we’re gonna do it That is literally I make this smoothie With four or five times a week. This is actually one and this was the best time I’ve ever made it So good I’m gonna drink this but while I’m drinking this because you know, we don’t have a lot of time here We gotta get some stuff done. And I know that I know you guys pop you’re like, okay Yeah, we want to do this but like come on we gotta get there sometime. We have like a test tomorrow Don’t worry, we’re gonna do it. Okay, so we’re gonna go back to the office And you’ll see is that My desk is a little messy It’s not very organized. It’s a mess and so I don’t know about you But I cannot focus and get productive if my space is not clean So we’re gonna quickly try to this up We’re gonna put on one song one song and we’re gonna get everything tidy and ready to get productive Okay, so I need to speed up.

We’re gonna put on song what song we’re gonna put on Let’s see No Let’s see what music are we cool down you see this thing is cool down This is my playlist down at the bottom is my favorite song right now. I used to hate it. I love it now Do we hear this song so good? Okay. It’s addicting Town Road, I’m gonna Take my Okay, the next one just started we did it so Oh besides my coffees I’m kind of thinking you still might drink it Anyways, so here we go. We are a little bit more clean now, we’re organized if My next step is to write everything down that you need to get done for the day Like for today like you not in the future now things that are stressing you all things get done in two days like you need to get this stuff done today, so You’ll write it all down right now Okay so I’m going to look at my list and figure out what I can get done like tomorrow or the next day and What I like have to get done right now Okay, so then I can like kind of clear my head a little bit so much doesn’t sound good Let me get this so that my armpits off and I’m going to write these things down.

Okay, let’s go Hey, I only vote the things that I need to get done for this exam I will write down my other life to do is over here, but here I have Friday I need to do these things. I have to get these things done today. So I have a lot 1 2 3 4 5 things to get done today and it is 4 o’clock Then for Saturday, which is tomorrow, I have to work all day. So this will be at nay time I have to memorize 1 2 3 4 or 5 things Or work on 5 things and then here this is Sunday the night before I only have like maybe an hour to do this I need to look over all my notes work on my cue cards and then get everything ready. So This is what I wrote down Now that I have a clear head space and I’m starting to get them fuel into my body that isn’t coffee So good I’m going to try to accomplish what one just one That’s all of these things on the checklist Then I’m gonna get outside because your girl is jealous of the people walking down the street right now Because it is so nice out there.

So I’m gonna get outside and do some exercise But first I’m gonna get one of my things accomplished that I don’t feel guilty about leaving my work, you know Okay, so I did my thing Kind of I got I kind of got clear on it, but I really don’t think that it matters, but I did it anyways so I’m gonna take that off my list and now I’m so excited because they haven’t been to this place since I Think since like October and it’s called a 1001 steps. It’s in the town middle of White Rock and It’s like a place where you can just go run and run up the steps and that sounds probably like torture to a lot of people and Normally on a bad day that would sound like harder to me but I really just want to get outside and work outside today and they not go to the gym because it’s so Beautiful like if you guys see this is nice to meet you right now So funny and nice Mind clearing so my next tip is to get outside go get some exercise even if it’s going for a walk down to Starbucks or going down to get your Laundry if your laundry is in a different place in your house or something And go and do it because I promise you when you get that blood flowing your mind is gonna be so much more clear in focus and those serotonin levels are going to go through the roof and you’re gonna be feeling Okay, so I changed There we are Sorry my fans in the way I’m just bringing a crop top probably getting out taking it off cuz it’s so hot outside and then I’m wearing leggings I normally would wear shorts cause it’s so hot, but I need somewhere to put my phone So I just put it there in these it does mean that I’ll sweat a little bit more.

I’m going to take my water That’s over there with me so that I have my nice crispy water with me Wow I’m Throw up I haven’t run those stairs in a year pretty much and I did like Seven up and down is called a thousand. No one steps. Meaning that there’s some in one steps Gonna change is a below one at me here, but So that was fun, I Am really really really sweaty So I’m gonna go home shower make something to eat and then give you my last tip Okay, so I just showered that’s why the new makeup and everything. Um But yeah, I am so exhausted from that I think I’ve pushed myself with a little too hard because I feel like really nauseous. I had it really hurts So if you’re gonna kill workout, like don’t push yourself as hard as I did like I thought I could handle that But apparently I’m not as fit as I used to be but anyways the last Tip that I have for this video is to use the Pomodoro method and I know I’ve talked about this before a couple of times But if you haven’t watched my videos Pomodoro method. Oh my god. My cat is crying this so much Pomodoro method is when you do 25 Minutes on and then you take a five-minute break and then 25 minutes five-minute break if you go down below I have the one that I used it’s called marinara timer I think it’s meant for like if you were making marinara sauce or whatever, but it’s also there’s the Pomodoro method there And so that will just do it for you and you don’t have to worry about it And that’s one that I use all the time.

It’s also linked in my Instagram. You can check that one out as well so those were my tips for getting out of the unproductive funk or getting out of the period of productivity Rut like I was in today. I hope that this helped some of you Feel more productive and get your stuff done And if you did make sure let me know down below also Make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already done that and you click the notification You will be notified because a lot of people are not seeing our videos on YouTube and it really sucks like all the youtubers it really sucks because people aren’t seeing our videos and then I can’t see the videos that I’m subscribing to and its really annoying cuz the algorithm is just so silly right now, so make sure you Click the notification if you want more videos like this Deliver it right to your phone or computer. And yeah, I will talk to you guys in my next video. Bye.


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